To Whomever It May Concern

Great thoughts assail me:
Of future gains and valiant hopes;
To sort all life's knotted ends;
To start ascend tall icy slopes;

Oh! To please a mother's heart,
And at last to become a Son!
To solidly take on a brother's part,
And douse the fire of an unshining Sun.
The Minsc's witch of my bosom,
Our Diablo would soon be vanquished!
May we be Christoff and Anezka
Of eternal bliss (but darkness banished)!

My personal William's Earl of Southampton
Has come to visit me to end my frost;
But she comes also as my Dark Lady,
Who I love but would eventually lost.

Originally written in 2000.

The title "To Whom It May Concern", even after this 8 years, is still to me very apt. It mimicks the usual subject header of a general and public letter, as if to address all who would read it, making it a public writing. However, the title would sway towards the more personal - only those who are concerned, or referred to, in the poem may understand its underlying meaning - if the immediate meaning may make sense at all - making the title obtuse.

I myself had problems understanding what I meant, and I would attempt my best here to shed some light over the poem's message.

From the very first stanza, I would say even after all these years, I have not changed! Great thoughts are STILL assailing me; I'm still looking forward to a better future; my life's all knotted once again; and my paths are still slippery and dangerous. The difference is that now, my challenges are of a higher level...

The second stanza would be pretty straightforward - it talks of my mother, myself and my brother - the Unshining Sun. I noticed that I toyed with a paradox here - the ever burning object of the Universe is dark and brooding, though unshining, needed to be doused its fire. This simply means that my dark brother is so full of rage that he almost always destroys whatever he touches. So, I thought it was my job to calm him, guide him, soothe him.

Since this poem was written, my brother had written and published 2 Malay novels: "Fantasia Romantika" (with a pen-name of Rio Hermawan, sold more than 30,000 copies within its first 3 months), and "Kau Ilhamku" (means "You Are My Inspiration").

The third stanza refers to my lovely wife Hana, with metaphors from the games I liked to play then: Baldur's Gate, Diablo and Vampire: The Masquerade.

The final stanza's William, if you haven't guessed yet, is of course William Shakespeare (whaddaya expect? I was taking my masters class in English Literature), while the Earl of Southampton was his benefactor. In Shakespeare's Sonnets, the Dark Lady is his love, but also the love of his beloved Earl, which makes the Dark Lady the forbidden fruit in eden. As written in this last stanza, my benefactor and my love is the same person, who I knew would never be mine.

After 8 years, that has come to pass as true.

She now eats bubur cacas with her husband and daughter in Japan.

But at least, though she may not be mine, we did not lose each other. Still yappin' together. Online.

Colors

Creep these words onto this,
A piece of ambiguities:
Painting a fine white dove,
Striking, in the dark sky above.
And through this gray vision,
Colors spread across the heaven.

Originally written in 1998, in University Malaya Kuala Lumpur

Shortlisted as finalist at the International Poetry Competition organized by www.poetry.com 1998

"Colors" is one of my all-time favorite, dedicated to a girl of my past. She is still in my present though, but constantly referred to as "The Friend My Wife Doesn't Like", ("Kawan Awak Yang Saya Tak Suka", in which "Saya" refers to my lovely wife Hana).

This poem actually refers to a pastel portrait of the Lady Who Likes To Eat The Bubur Caca, as she likes to be known now, which I painted (as to what reason I did this, I rather not remember. Let's just say it was the Free Spirit of My Youth). I don't have the painting now, but as I remembered it... it was of rainbows. Or was it. So, My Lady Bubur Caca, if you have it, can you please refresh my memory.